This is my cat

Ain't she sweet? I raise only the smartest of kitties. Reading until she falls asleep, just like her momma. :)

Sadly, my point in showcasing the adorable fluffy feline today is to highlight one of the things I like least about myself - I emotionally detach at random. It wouldn't be so bad if I was in control; if I knew I needed to guard myself from caring about something unhealthy for me, for example, so I stopped myself from getting in too deep. But I don't get to pick where, what, who, or how I will just one day find my emotions have gone completely cold. I love my Xai-Xai, she's curled up with me now, she's happy, I'm happy. But I won't miss her when I go to London, and I have no problem at all leaving her behind. I let her outside no matter where I'm living, and if she stays out all night, I don't even worry. I know she'll come back, and if not, eh, at least she was happy while alive and had the freedom to do what she wants. Apparently sometime after I left her and Anna behind to go to South Africa, I unknowingly shut off anything other than a perfunctory motherly care.

I'm sure I'm coming across horribly insensitive, but that was my intent. :) This happens with people too, and it's one reason I am hesitant to ever get married or have kids - too risky!

So I guess the question is, do we all have this "switch"? Are some people's just more dramatic? Is it possible to control? If so, where do I sign up to learn how?

Now I am going to talk about weddings

I had the chance to meet up with an old friend last night, a girl I was good friends with in high school through church. It's always fun to meet up with people and catch up on their lives and muse at how fast time flies. We were going through the usual whose where and doing what, and I came away reminded once again how marriage and kids are the way time starts being 'marked' in life after you graduate college. How is so-and-so? She's married and pregnant with her second. What's that guy up to now? He's engaged. Whatever happened to her? She's married, no kids.

Is that all we actually care about when talking about people? Or are we just so used to that as the normal way to report on the lives of those we know, that we forget how to step outside and think about who the person is, what they're really going through, or what else is important to them? And turning that around, what do people say about me? I make it easy because I'm always moving, so I guess it's "how is Jennie? " "oh she's moving to London"...but geez, if I stayed in one place, would it be "She's not married"? I'm completely happy single, but it's amazing how the way people refer to this can make it somehow an inadequacy or such a sad thing. Takes a frequent note-to-self to separate what's 'expected' from what I actually want.

Then I moved from that trainwreck of thought to this one: on the way home from dinner, I suddenly realized how far outside the 'church-isms' frame of mind I am now. All the phrases and words used to refer to people and how they are (besides their marital and parental status) were things like "good Christian girl" or "transferred to a Baptist church"or "well he's certainly not a pastor like he once said he would be". I can't remember some of the more poignant things that stuck out in my mind, but it was a surreal night altogether. Any time I come back in contact with my ultra-conservative Christian roots is always a fun trip. :) Not to say that I don't go to church, (I still do the music most Sundays at a Methodist church here) or don't still have a basically Christian faith, but I don't move in the closed circles I grew up in, or think in those terms any more.

I'm hoping to get some more London pictures up soon! If not, it's less than three weeks from when I go for my long trip to flat-search, and I'll bring my own camera so I don't have to wait for people to send me photos.

Spring! Woot!

So, it's warm outside. Beautiful, sunny weather that makes me feel guilty for sitting inside on my couch to stare at a computer screen! But, I'm pretty tired, and I'll go run around outside as soon as I take a nap.

That's me in the daffodils outside Buckingham Palace. :D It was so gorgeous the whole time I was there - I certainly didn't get a preview of the London weather everyone complains about!

Something about spring just makes a piece of me come alive. Yet at the same time, I get those nostalgic bits of hey...life is moving on...That's also brought on by my birthday being in April. This one will be crazy as usual, since I'm playing in my friend's wedding in Richmond that weekend, and moving pretty soon after that.


This is my first night out in the London clubbing scene - It was quite fun, albeit totally different than any 'going out' I do here. It will be interesting to see how I fit in with the lifestyle there, everyone going out for a drink at the pub after work and the craziness of weekend nights out. Usually, when I'm settling into a new culture, I adapt pretty well, while still maintaining my own sense of moderation. Hopefully that happens there too. I am definitely looking forward to being in a bigger city, where everyone my age isn't married with 2 kids already. :)

(In the photo are are some Lulu's, one from the London office, one from Germany, and one from Argentina).

Speaking of married, and weddings, and birthdays, eh, well, actually I'd rather not speak of that at the moment. I'm going to listen to the birds outside my window and blissfully daydream in the sun until I fall asleep. :)

Beginning again

So I am going to try blogging again. I've gotten worse and worse about journaling, and if I don't have some outlet for writing down my thoughts, I can feel my head begin to implode. So, I'm releasing my ramblings to the world, since I spend so much of my time online anyway, maybe this will work. I actually have interesting stuff to write about, I'm moving to London! Lulu (can I just say I love my job?) is sending me for a year-long, possibly longer, assignment to work in our office there. I am obviously quite excited about it!

I just returned from my first preview trip, and it was a bit overwhelming. Thinking of all I have to do this time to get ready to move is sobering - especially when I look back to the South Africa move. That was hard enough, and now I have a house and more "stuff" to add to the equation. However, the chance to live in an awesome city like London is more than worth the hassle of taking care of all the details. First thing to worry about is getting a roommate for my brother, the plan is for him to stay in the house and rent from me while I'm gone.

I think the biggest thing I am realizing is what this step in life means - I was on the verge of doing the unthinkable for me: settling down. I have a house, a good job, my family nearby, some local friends...it would be so easy to stay here and be comfortable for quite a while. But if I stay comfortable too long, I'll just be delaying the inevitable curiosity that always creeps up - what else is out there? What am I really supposed to be doing with my life?

I'm planning to go to South Africa this year. Hopefully in June or July. My soul needs its breath of African air, that inexplicable refreshing that happens the moment I step off the plane in Durban.

I'm killing time while I wait for the termite guy to come inspect my house and set up regular treatments. Just one of the many little things I have to take care of over the next few weeks!