I don't know how normal I am on this one, because I suspect my instincts here are partially a result of being homeschooled. But I can't go very long in life in a status of 'unproductivity' (not sure that's a word, but I'll use it anyway to make my point). In other words, if I don't feel like I'm accomplishing something or doing well or helping someone or learning something, I feel lost.
But this need to 'do stuff' also has another side to it. Lately I've been looking back at my days at Lulu, and wondering just how successful I really was. How much did I actually get done, and how much did I just stay until 7 or 8 at night 'doing stuff'?
My two biggest weaknesses in work/study life are these:
1) I can't work completely independently. Working from home would have been disastrous. My only real times of finishing things are when they have strict deadlines. I have trouble saying 'I'm going to work on project X for an hour every day' and following through - project X will only ever get done if someone else needs it done by Date Y, and usually at midnight the day before. This is a huge problem at my current job, where I have little to no accountability to anyone. It's basically procrastinating, but more an inability to create structure in a void. If I have meetings, due dates, etc, I can plan around them and do quite well. Without an existing structure, I have nothing to fit the miscellaneous tasks in between, and they just don't get done.
2) I am a 95% perfectionist. In other words, I will get something done 95% perfect, and stew inside that it's not 100%, but not make the effort to get it there. This is also a strength in a way, because it's what allows me to live life and enjoy other things, since I get to 95% relatively easily in most things, and the hardest bit is the last bit (for me at least). Which in turn is what makes this a nasty lazy trait = I'm not willing to do the hardest bit.
To circle back to Lulu, I do think I managed to be genuinely productive at times because I had the structure - but still spent a lot of time wandering off course. I over-multi-task, working on 10 things at once and not actually doing any of them well.
My reason in pondering all this is my current situation. I have to find a way to make a structured schedule and stick to it, to make myself complete projects. I've given myself six months to make something happen - and all my ideas require the diligent execution of projects with no given structure or accountability.
I'm hoping the ingrained need to be productive will kick in, becuase otherwise it's going to be a tricky new phase in life come October!
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1 comment:
Zach is the exact same way as far as needing to be productive. He has a hard time just sitting back, like on weekends-- always feels he has to be doing something.
I have the same problem with the lack of time-management/organization. There's so many things I'd love to do (like keeping up with my French), but I lack the motivation and self-discipline to sit down and DO them. I blame part of that on being exhausted from the kiddo, but really I've always been this way.
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