Right. So I'm sitting on my bed, having just hung up the phone with a friend to say I'm not going to go out after all, and it hits me (finally). I'm not doing so well. I don't want to say I'm depressed, because I take that term seriously, but I'm at least mildly so. I went to bed at 10pm every night this week and still couldn't get out of bed on time at 7:30 or 8. I'm irritable about anything and everything at work, and increasingly apathetic about things I usually care about. I've slept next to my guitar for a week, and not touched it other than to reach over and pluck E - A back and forth while my mind drifts off into thought. Meanwhile, I continue to withdraw into my shrinking world, hoping that the deeper I retreat, the closer I'll get to an answer.
I hope I make it to Ireland without sinking further, I think it's exactly what I need!
I've pretty much decided I want to go back to Africa. 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years, who knows - but by the end of this year, I need to set foot back in the one place that seems to inject life into me.
Friday, June 20, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I could be vegan now
I just discovered this amazing company, Booja Booja, and they make this 'ice cream' that is the best testing chocolate 'frozen dessert' I have ever tasted. Seriously. It was better than ice cream. How do they do it!? It's not even that crap soy replacement stuff - just water and nuts and chocolate and one other ingredient i can't remember. Wow. They are in Germany and the UK, and need to take over the world soon so I never have to live somewhere where they aren't.
In other news, I can see boredom on the horizon. I think it's about 4-6 months away, but it's coming, and the ever-present need to move is waking from a strange hibernation. There are certain things I can do to keep it at bay, so we'll see if any of my efforts are successful.
I booked my first completely independent holiday today! I'm going to Ireland in July for four days - I can't wait! It will be so nice to get out of the city, explore some wide open spaces, and find some hot Irish men. Okay so that last one is not really on the agenda, it's just fun to joke about.
I have now finished seasons 1 and 2 of Dexter, which is a pity, because season 3 won't air until September on TV, meaning it won't be on iTunes for even longer. Why after years of never watching TV or being able to follow a show for more than 3 episodes in a row, am I suddenly so easily addicted to the programs on my laptop? I guess it's obvious enough...no commercials, no scheduling conflicts, no waiting - only drawback is how quickly the $1.99 fees add up!
In other news, I can see boredom on the horizon. I think it's about 4-6 months away, but it's coming, and the ever-present need to move is waking from a strange hibernation. There are certain things I can do to keep it at bay, so we'll see if any of my efforts are successful.
I booked my first completely independent holiday today! I'm going to Ireland in July for four days - I can't wait! It will be so nice to get out of the city, explore some wide open spaces, and find some hot Irish men. Okay so that last one is not really on the agenda, it's just fun to joke about.
I have now finished seasons 1 and 2 of Dexter, which is a pity, because season 3 won't air until September on TV, meaning it won't be on iTunes for even longer. Why after years of never watching TV or being able to follow a show for more than 3 episodes in a row, am I suddenly so easily addicted to the programs on my laptop? I guess it's obvious enough...no commercials, no scheduling conflicts, no waiting - only drawback is how quickly the $1.99 fees add up!
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Multi-cultural on steroids
That's how I sometimes feel in London - the number and variety of languages and cultures represented here can be overwhelming! In a thoroughly enjoyable and stimulating way, for a culture junkie like me :)
Yesterday, I went to a friend's birthday party, and the guest list sorted by nationality went like this:
French-Portuguese
French-English
Canadian
Portuguese
Greek (2)
Polish
Georgian-English, grew up in Russia
French (3)
Russian (2)
German-Brazilian
English
American (me)
And that's pretty normal for a crowd of people, actually. I love it!
Yesterday, I went to a friend's birthday party, and the guest list sorted by nationality went like this:
French-Portuguese
French-English
Canadian
Portuguese
Greek (2)
Polish
Georgian-English, grew up in Russia
French (3)
Russian (2)
German-Brazilian
English
American (me)
And that's pretty normal for a crowd of people, actually. I love it!
Friday, June 13, 2008
What soccer/football needs
I'd like to send a shout out to American sports commentators. I miss you. I miss howling with you, listening to you argue, watching you poke fun at each other, hearing you banter back and forth and do play-by-plays in rapid fire style. I miss the smooth production, catchy themes, ridiculous suits, in-depth analysis, and big-time show. I just watched one of the most exciting soccer games I have EVER seen in my life - that's not a huge complement on its own, because I'm not usually enthralled by the footy - but this was really fun to watch. I was so pumped up I was craving the dissection, the re-plays, the highlights, the excited chatter - it was the type of game I would have watched every single bit of post-game show and then gone on to Sportscenter to keep getting more.
Instead, I got 4 guys in cushy chairs very calmly saying "Well that was quite a game, don't you think? Complements to Holland for scoring 7 goals against the two World Cup finalist teams, Italy with 3 and now France with 4. It doesn't get much better than this. Strong showing by both teams..." AAGHGHAGHAGHAHGAH!!! So frustrating. I wanted to punch all of them. GIVE ME MY OVER-PRODUCED HI-ENERGY AMERICAN COVERAGE! I just watched a SOCCER GAME that had me ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT - do you not understand how RARE that is? Let me revel in it!
Okay, I think I'm done being American. :) At least I am following the Euro Cup, that gives me a little credit - I'm not suggesting they play our sports, just improve the 'production' of their sports. ;)
Instead, I got 4 guys in cushy chairs very calmly saying "Well that was quite a game, don't you think? Complements to Holland for scoring 7 goals against the two World Cup finalist teams, Italy with 3 and now France with 4. It doesn't get much better than this. Strong showing by both teams..." AAGHGHAGHAGHAHGAH!!! So frustrating. I wanted to punch all of them. GIVE ME MY OVER-PRODUCED HI-ENERGY AMERICAN COVERAGE! I just watched a SOCCER GAME that had me ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT - do you not understand how RARE that is? Let me revel in it!
Okay, I think I'm done being American. :) At least I am following the Euro Cup, that gives me a little credit - I'm not suggesting they play our sports, just improve the 'production' of their sports. ;)
Sunday, June 8, 2008
What a difference a day makes
...when spent outside in the perfect 25c/75f weather! It was sunny, slight breeze, simply gorgeous. I hardly slept last night, waking up at 2:30 and tossing and turning until giving up to watch more Dexter (totally hooked on that show) for a couple hours and then napping from 6:30 off and on until 12. Stupid, I know, but it's Sunday - I could afford to have a whacky sleeping schedule. Went for a walk, tried to run but no energy (probably because my diet of Jelly Belly's my mom left behind and bagels with cheese hasn't provided much nutrition), back home to flop on the sofa and sink back into the pit of despair (melodramatic, I know). Fortunately, my friend called and we planned to meet at St. James Park, so I showered, got ready, and headed out, deciding to walk the whole way (3-4 miles). It was great! I wandered through Hyde Park, saw everyone in London I think, including a rollerskate/blade group skate-dancing to music, a folk band playing under a tree, paddle boats, soccer games, it was such great people-watching!
Collapsed in the grass when I got to St James, it was good I had beaten my friend by at least 30 minutes so I could relax and be alive when she got there :). We had a coffee, then walked through Green Park up to Oxford Street and found a great place for Dim Sum! Hadn't eaten dim sum since I was in Malaysia - it was really fun, and yummy! Then, I realized we'd circled round to only 15 minutes walk from my house, so I headed home, amazed again at how lucky I am to be so central to everything.
Now I'm sufficiently tired - and for good reasons like physical exercise - so I'm going to NOT watch any TV shows or movies on my laptop and get some sleep :)
Collapsed in the grass when I got to St James, it was good I had beaten my friend by at least 30 minutes so I could relax and be alive when she got there :). We had a coffee, then walked through Green Park up to Oxford Street and found a great place for Dim Sum! Hadn't eaten dim sum since I was in Malaysia - it was really fun, and yummy! Then, I realized we'd circled round to only 15 minutes walk from my house, so I headed home, amazed again at how lucky I am to be so central to everything.
Now I'm sufficiently tired - and for good reasons like physical exercise - so I'm going to NOT watch any TV shows or movies on my laptop and get some sleep :)
Saturday, June 7, 2008
My Inner hermit
I have always been a bit two far over on the independent side, leaning towards being a loner. And that side of me is in full swing this weekend. I remember when I took the Myers-Briggs personality test in high school that their definition of an 'introverted' view of the world was that you draw your strength from being alone - you move away from people to deal with hard times, rather than towards them. So after a full week back at work, I was faced with the same old questions of why am I doing this and what do I want to do in life...and thus turned inwards, now reaching the 24th hour of a shut-in :) I'm feeling SO much better too. I researched some things online, wrote in the book I started in January, watched a lot of TV on my laptop, and gradually reached a point where I could think about my future without freaking out.
I walked home from work yesterday, which felt so good! It was threatening to rain the whole time, but pleasant otherwise, and I got to stop by Whole Foods to stock up on some yumminess for the weekend.
It's funny, as I declined to go out, I was questioning why I love living here, considering how infrequently I like to 'party.' It was reassuring to think of all the fabulous things about London that don't involve pubs, bars or clubs. It's cool to have a plethora of interesting nightlife available, but I've always been more of a day person - and for that I have markets, parks, shops, day trips...plenty of things to pass the time. And for the next two months at least, I have an awesome flat with space to play the guitar, sit out on the terrace, and be a total hermit in my room without getting claustrofobic.
I walked home from work yesterday, which felt so good! It was threatening to rain the whole time, but pleasant otherwise, and I got to stop by Whole Foods to stock up on some yumminess for the weekend.
It's funny, as I declined to go out, I was questioning why I love living here, considering how infrequently I like to 'party.' It was reassuring to think of all the fabulous things about London that don't involve pubs, bars or clubs. It's cool to have a plethora of interesting nightlife available, but I've always been more of a day person - and for that I have markets, parks, shops, day trips...plenty of things to pass the time. And for the next two months at least, I have an awesome flat with space to play the guitar, sit out on the terrace, and be a total hermit in my room without getting claustrofobic.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Breath...rhythm...normalcy?
Yeah, so it's been a wild couple of weeks!!! I keep thinking there is something else I need to pack for or get ready to do or something...but amazingly, I am staying here, in London, for 3 weeks without going anywhere. Then there's a tiny blip of a business trip to Paris, friends visiting for 4th of July, and possible trip to Milan, but for now, I have 3 weeks to chill.
I had a great time in the US - landed Thursday the 15th and went straight to check out SJP's line of clothes, Bitten at the nearest Steve and Barry's in Wilson, NC, with a car-full of friends - it was great! $9 for everything in the store, very happy. Friday went in to work, out that night with people from work. Saturday I got up and went camera-shopping with my mom - mine had pretty much bit the dust so Mom sprung for the replacement as a happy birthday - thanks Mom! I ended up with a Fujifilm and I reallly like it - best deal there, and is everything I wanted and more.
I drove up to Richmond to see some college friends which was so much fun! It was my friend's husband's surprise party, so I got to hang out with her and another friend I hadn't seen in over a year, and my good friend from DC drove down. Really good trip, all in all. Sunday I drove back in time to meet my family for picnic after church, and see some people from the church I used to work for in Apex.
Monday through Friday was nose-to-the-grindstone working, with nights out to Durham a couple times, family dinner with my brother, dentist and doctor checkups, meetings, and planning Mom and my trip to Lyon and Geneva :D
Friday night, Mom and I both got on the plane for London, and the fun began. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I had this much fun with my mom. It was awesome. We hit the ground running - Saturday we walked through Hyde Park to Buckingham Palace through the mall/gardens to Trafalgar Square, stopped for brunch and took the tube home. Napped for 30 minutes, then went back out to Portobello market, met a friend for coffee, headed back home and relaxed, then went out to buy groceries and whack the pavement with our asses as hard as possible. Er, that last part was only for me, and really freakin' painful. There's this thing called traction. My awesome new sandals I bought in the US? They have none. My tailbone still hurts when I bend down to pick something up. :(
We cooked a yummy dinner and watched "Enchanted" - LOVED IT! such a hilarious movie! We laughed so hard I think we kept my flatmates up. Whoops. :)
Sunday was wake up at 9, um, 10, um ELEVEN and get out of the house just in time to get down to Southbank to watch a really cool Shakespeare 'collection' piece at the Globe theater. So cool! Then we did this walk through that area to see a bunch of cool sights, crossed Tower Bridge, saw the Tower of London, and headed home. Cooked another yummy dinner, and hit the sack - this time not attempting to even set an alarm clock. Which was good, because Monday was not a day to be remembered for it's weather. So we slept late, ate breakfast, and went to Harrod's! Ate lunch there, bought chocolate and ooh'd and ahh'd at things priced way beyond reason.
Tuesady I had to work, Mom spent the day at the British Museum. We met a friend for a drink at a pub, and went home to pack and wake up in the middle of the night puking because we forgot you can't drink alcohol while on antibiotics. Er, again, that was only me...sigh...
Wednesday was up at 6:30 to make it to Paddington to take the train to Heathrow. Can I just say how AWESOME it is to live 10mins walk from Paddington station?? Makes such a difference. Would have had to get up at least an hour earlier anywhere else I've lived in London. anyway, flight was fine, landed in Lyon, found the hotel, and the sun came out to show off an amazing Old City - loved it! Walked around, shopped, dined, talked, took photos, it was great. Thursday morning the sun was out again so we wandered through the 262 acre park that has a zoo, botanical gardens, and rose garden!! From there it was on to the museum of fine art, since the sun bowed to the clouds, and some shopping, and then blind spots leading to a migraine from stressing out about work while on vacation. Um, yes, that was just me again.
Friday we got up, took a taxi to the train station, and then a taxi back to the hotel and back to the train station since I forgot my cell phone. Thank you, I know how brilliant I am, no need for accolades. Arrived 2 hours later in Geneva, in the rain, found the lockers to leave our luggage, and tried to decide what to do in the hideous weather! Decided to try a museum, walked outside, and the sun came out to show off another amazing Old City. :) We were soo lucky! For the weather to be as bad as it often was, it was perfect when it needed to be. We took a boat tour and wandered through the cobblestone streets - so much fun. Met up with Zach and Marcy and their newborn, and wandered through the city, stopped for a drink, and met up with some of their friends before heading back to the house for dinner.
Saturday was local winery touring with Zach in the morning (in the rain) and then mom and I headed back into the city, and of course, the sun came through the clouds as soon as we got there so we could go up to the top of the cathedral and see the view and have another perfect afternoon. :) Dinner, highlighting fondue, that night, and early bed for early flight back to London on Sunday.
We landed, headed back home, I napped, mom un/re-packed, and we walked to buy some souvenirs, drop them off, and head over to Kensington Palace for afternoon tea with champagne. So much fun!! Then it was kill time by shopping, have a cappucino, and go see Sex and the City the movie. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, it met my expectation of a really long episode, lots of clothes and shoes and relationship/girl talk. I feel like I need to watch only football for a week though to re-balance the estrogen levels.
So mom left Monday morning, I went back to reality at work, and tonight I just finished playing my guitar for the first time in a while and figuring out how I can afford to stay in this flat after the price goes up in August, because I really really really really really love living here....
I had a great time in the US - landed Thursday the 15th and went straight to check out SJP's line of clothes, Bitten at the nearest Steve and Barry's in Wilson, NC, with a car-full of friends - it was great! $9 for everything in the store, very happy. Friday went in to work, out that night with people from work. Saturday I got up and went camera-shopping with my mom - mine had pretty much bit the dust so Mom sprung for the replacement as a happy birthday - thanks Mom! I ended up with a Fujifilm and I reallly like it - best deal there, and is everything I wanted and more.
I drove up to Richmond to see some college friends which was so much fun! It was my friend's husband's surprise party, so I got to hang out with her and another friend I hadn't seen in over a year, and my good friend from DC drove down. Really good trip, all in all. Sunday I drove back in time to meet my family for picnic after church, and see some people from the church I used to work for in Apex.
Monday through Friday was nose-to-the-grindstone working, with nights out to Durham a couple times, family dinner with my brother, dentist and doctor checkups, meetings, and planning Mom and my trip to Lyon and Geneva :D
Friday night, Mom and I both got on the plane for London, and the fun began. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I had this much fun with my mom. It was awesome. We hit the ground running - Saturday we walked through Hyde Park to Buckingham Palace through the mall/gardens to Trafalgar Square, stopped for brunch and took the tube home. Napped for 30 minutes, then went back out to Portobello market, met a friend for coffee, headed back home and relaxed, then went out to buy groceries and whack the pavement with our asses as hard as possible. Er, that last part was only for me, and really freakin' painful. There's this thing called traction. My awesome new sandals I bought in the US? They have none. My tailbone still hurts when I bend down to pick something up. :(
We cooked a yummy dinner and watched "Enchanted" - LOVED IT! such a hilarious movie! We laughed so hard I think we kept my flatmates up. Whoops. :)
Sunday was wake up at 9, um, 10, um ELEVEN and get out of the house just in time to get down to Southbank to watch a really cool Shakespeare 'collection' piece at the Globe theater. So cool! Then we did this walk through that area to see a bunch of cool sights, crossed Tower Bridge, saw the Tower of London, and headed home. Cooked another yummy dinner, and hit the sack - this time not attempting to even set an alarm clock. Which was good, because Monday was not a day to be remembered for it's weather. So we slept late, ate breakfast, and went to Harrod's! Ate lunch there, bought chocolate and ooh'd and ahh'd at things priced way beyond reason.
Tuesady I had to work, Mom spent the day at the British Museum. We met a friend for a drink at a pub, and went home to pack and wake up in the middle of the night puking because we forgot you can't drink alcohol while on antibiotics. Er, again, that was only me...sigh...
Wednesday was up at 6:30 to make it to Paddington to take the train to Heathrow. Can I just say how AWESOME it is to live 10mins walk from Paddington station?? Makes such a difference. Would have had to get up at least an hour earlier anywhere else I've lived in London. anyway, flight was fine, landed in Lyon, found the hotel, and the sun came out to show off an amazing Old City - loved it! Walked around, shopped, dined, talked, took photos, it was great. Thursday morning the sun was out again so we wandered through the 262 acre park that has a zoo, botanical gardens, and rose garden!! From there it was on to the museum of fine art, since the sun bowed to the clouds, and some shopping, and then blind spots leading to a migraine from stressing out about work while on vacation. Um, yes, that was just me again.
Friday we got up, took a taxi to the train station, and then a taxi back to the hotel and back to the train station since I forgot my cell phone. Thank you, I know how brilliant I am, no need for accolades. Arrived 2 hours later in Geneva, in the rain, found the lockers to leave our luggage, and tried to decide what to do in the hideous weather! Decided to try a museum, walked outside, and the sun came out to show off another amazing Old City. :) We were soo lucky! For the weather to be as bad as it often was, it was perfect when it needed to be. We took a boat tour and wandered through the cobblestone streets - so much fun. Met up with Zach and Marcy and their newborn, and wandered through the city, stopped for a drink, and met up with some of their friends before heading back to the house for dinner.
Saturday was local winery touring with Zach in the morning (in the rain) and then mom and I headed back into the city, and of course, the sun came through the clouds as soon as we got there so we could go up to the top of the cathedral and see the view and have another perfect afternoon. :) Dinner, highlighting fondue, that night, and early bed for early flight back to London on Sunday.
We landed, headed back home, I napped, mom un/re-packed, and we walked to buy some souvenirs, drop them off, and head over to Kensington Palace for afternoon tea with champagne. So much fun!! Then it was kill time by shopping, have a cappucino, and go see Sex and the City the movie. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, it met my expectation of a really long episode, lots of clothes and shoes and relationship/girl talk. I feel like I need to watch only football for a week though to re-balance the estrogen levels.
So mom left Monday morning, I went back to reality at work, and tonight I just finished playing my guitar for the first time in a while and figuring out how I can afford to stay in this flat after the price goes up in August, because I really really really really really love living here....
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