Wow, so my first and only 'real job' is finished - what a crazy ride it's been, too! I spent Thursday (my last day) sorting through emails, forwarding on contacts, making notes on everything I've done the last 2 years and 9 months...and then crying at my laptop while doing all those things. I thought I'd done all the mourning already, but apparently had some more to get out. :) Why do I get so attached to things like this?
Anyway, after all the tears, I slept like a baby Thursday night, and woke up with a huge smile on my face! I'm more sober about the future than the insane giddiness I had when I first decided to do this, but in a good way. I know it's not going to be easy to sell pianos in this economic climate, and I know that my other fun side projects may turn into nothing (or worse), but I would rather put myself out there doing something I love and fail miserably, than keep 'succeeding' at something that just drains me.
I was talking to this guy I met last night at a friend's party about how cool my old job was and how much I had loved it, but that I just burned out. Which is true - it used to do exactly what the shop does - I would leave in a better mood than I came in after a day at work there. That stopped about 18 months ago, but I couldn't leave the job without leaving London, so I stayed. Anyway, we were talking about average time spent at a job, and I said mine was six months, before Lulu. Which is crazy to remember back to the days when I floated from city to city, different jobs, different combinations of different jobs, always finding new ways to make money, do music, travel, and have a decent life. Lulu was such a departure, albeit a necessary and beneficial one, from the type of existence that suits my personality and interests. And now I'm slowly coming back to the freedom and variety I crave...and I think that's what is at the root of my happiness and peace about what is an incredibly risky move by most anyone's standards. Maybe I can't be quite as carefree at 29 as I was at 25, but I'm still young and healthy enough that I don't have to be stuck in a job just to have benefits.
And now, I'm going to go play the pianos for while :)
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
um, sleet? snow?
Well, this is what I get for saying to my mom and some friends how London is just chilly and dreary longer than NC, not necessarily REALLY cold, except for the heart of January/February. Wrong! It was snowing in north London in last night, and sleeting when I was walking home from the tube last night after work! It's October, what's going on? My roof terrace was iced over this morning, if that keeps up we'll be able to have slip n' slide across the roof parties in December.
And as a consequence of this frigid temperature drop, and probably also due to the long hours outside in the cold on Sunday, I feel like doodoo today. So I'm home sick from work, although still worked pretty much all morning, was a good time to clear through the backlog of my emails.
It's nice though, I'm getting to listing to last.fm instead of the crappy pop radio we have on at work, and find some new bands. I've started using all the social ways you can listen to friends' stations, partly because it's fun, and partly in my ever-increasing attempt to be a web 2.0 geek to be better at my job :)
I haven't posted much about politics on this blog, and I'll probably keep it that way after this until the election is over. But I will say that it is really freaking me out how crazy people are. When I see video clips of people who honestly believe that Obama is a Muslim, and thus a terrorist, it's scary to think that the battle has only just begun if he wins. People are so passionately divided, and I don't really see either side having any intention of fixing that. Obama's platform at least says he wants to, and I hope that if he wins that wasn't just lip service, but if the Republicans only want to have it their way and don't do anything to help bridge the divide, it won't matter.
And as a consequence of this frigid temperature drop, and probably also due to the long hours outside in the cold on Sunday, I feel like doodoo today. So I'm home sick from work, although still worked pretty much all morning, was a good time to clear through the backlog of my emails.
It's nice though, I'm getting to listing to last.fm instead of the crappy pop radio we have on at work, and find some new bands. I've started using all the social ways you can listen to friends' stations, partly because it's fun, and partly in my ever-increasing attempt to be a web 2.0 geek to be better at my job :)
I haven't posted much about politics on this blog, and I'll probably keep it that way after this until the election is over. But I will say that it is really freaking me out how crazy people are. When I see video clips of people who honestly believe that Obama is a Muslim, and thus a terrorist, it's scary to think that the battle has only just begun if he wins. People are so passionately divided, and I don't really see either side having any intention of fixing that. Obama's platform at least says he wants to, and I hope that if he wins that wasn't just lip service, but if the Republicans only want to have it their way and don't do anything to help bridge the divide, it won't matter.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
My Inner hermit
I have always been a bit two far over on the independent side, leaning towards being a loner. And that side of me is in full swing this weekend. I remember when I took the Myers-Briggs personality test in high school that their definition of an 'introverted' view of the world was that you draw your strength from being alone - you move away from people to deal with hard times, rather than towards them. So after a full week back at work, I was faced with the same old questions of why am I doing this and what do I want to do in life...and thus turned inwards, now reaching the 24th hour of a shut-in :) I'm feeling SO much better too. I researched some things online, wrote in the book I started in January, watched a lot of TV on my laptop, and gradually reached a point where I could think about my future without freaking out.
I walked home from work yesterday, which felt so good! It was threatening to rain the whole time, but pleasant otherwise, and I got to stop by Whole Foods to stock up on some yumminess for the weekend.
It's funny, as I declined to go out, I was questioning why I love living here, considering how infrequently I like to 'party.' It was reassuring to think of all the fabulous things about London that don't involve pubs, bars or clubs. It's cool to have a plethora of interesting nightlife available, but I've always been more of a day person - and for that I have markets, parks, shops, day trips...plenty of things to pass the time. And for the next two months at least, I have an awesome flat with space to play the guitar, sit out on the terrace, and be a total hermit in my room without getting claustrofobic.
I walked home from work yesterday, which felt so good! It was threatening to rain the whole time, but pleasant otherwise, and I got to stop by Whole Foods to stock up on some yumminess for the weekend.
It's funny, as I declined to go out, I was questioning why I love living here, considering how infrequently I like to 'party.' It was reassuring to think of all the fabulous things about London that don't involve pubs, bars or clubs. It's cool to have a plethora of interesting nightlife available, but I've always been more of a day person - and for that I have markets, parks, shops, day trips...plenty of things to pass the time. And for the next two months at least, I have an awesome flat with space to play the guitar, sit out on the terrace, and be a total hermit in my room without getting claustrofobic.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
And January is over
I spent the first 28 days of 2008 doing very little besides working. And playing the piano, going the gym, and sleeping. It's been boring, but nice I guess.
February promises to be more exciting - I go to Seville on Thursday for work, hopefully I will get to see a little bit of the city, too! Everyone I know that's been to Spain frequently says it's their favorite city, so I'm getting excited. I'll just have Friday night after the all day meeting to explore, and maybe a little time on Saturday, but it should be fun.
Then I fly to the US on February 14 (didn't I just get back??) which will make it the longest Valentines Day I've ever had. Wasn't thinking about that part of it when I booked the flight! I'll fly into Atlanta so I can visit my great-aunt and uncle, then drive up through Columbia and see friends there, then Winston-Salem to see my brother, and then finally reach Cary on Sunday night, ready for a busy week at work.
Speaking of travel plans, my brother booked his flight to come see me the first week in March! I'm so glad he's coming - will be such fun. He's been to London before, so we have to find some of the things he hasn't seen or done yet. We may even go to Wales or somewhere like that. After he leaves, I go to Paris, and when I get back, my Mom and Alan are probably coming. So I am actually really grateful for the low-key few weeks I've had lately - it will be a while before I have that much time to relax again!
February promises to be more exciting - I go to Seville on Thursday for work, hopefully I will get to see a little bit of the city, too! Everyone I know that's been to Spain frequently says it's their favorite city, so I'm getting excited. I'll just have Friday night after the all day meeting to explore, and maybe a little time on Saturday, but it should be fun.
Then I fly to the US on February 14 (didn't I just get back??) which will make it the longest Valentines Day I've ever had. Wasn't thinking about that part of it when I booked the flight! I'll fly into Atlanta so I can visit my great-aunt and uncle, then drive up through Columbia and see friends there, then Winston-Salem to see my brother, and then finally reach Cary on Sunday night, ready for a busy week at work.
Speaking of travel plans, my brother booked his flight to come see me the first week in March! I'm so glad he's coming - will be such fun. He's been to London before, so we have to find some of the things he hasn't seen or done yet. We may even go to Wales or somewhere like that. After he leaves, I go to Paris, and when I get back, my Mom and Alan are probably coming. So I am actually really grateful for the low-key few weeks I've had lately - it will be a while before I have that much time to relax again!
Friday, January 11, 2008
Can I have my 3-day week back?
Um, I really don't like working Monday through Friday. Just thought I'd put that out there. Way too many hours spent inside an office sitting at a computer screen stressing about things that, other than providing my monthly paycheck, really don't matter. Really. They don't matter.
I had two interesting insights into myself this week - both off-handed comments by my co-workers. My desk 'neighbor' said to me "ah, but you're not an American!" in defense of her jokes about some US-related thing like not speaking English properly. I had pretended to get offended at the comments and was dismissed as we all laughed, because according to the general consensus, I am not one of those they were making fun of. Nothing really all that new, I have always felt more at home when living outside my home country, it's just funny to have someone else point it out to me. And 'home' in the sense of what grounds me, defines me, and is the place I find my retreat, will always be where my family is. But outside that, the only time I feel like an American is when sports is involved. It's pretty funny that something as superficial as watching a bunch of sweaty men fight over a ball can make me miss the US, and I can't think of anything else that does!
The second comment happened today:
me: Wow, look how much Starbucks share price dropped in 2007 (send link to article in Economist)
my co-worker: so you are interested in economics, too? What AREN'T you interested in?
me (laughing sadly): that's my problem...I'm interested in everything! If I could just pick a few things, my life would make so much more sense.
And with that, I'll head in to my weekend, which will hopefully be full of many of the things I find interesting. :)
I had two interesting insights into myself this week - both off-handed comments by my co-workers. My desk 'neighbor' said to me "ah, but you're not an American!" in defense of her jokes about some US-related thing like not speaking English properly. I had pretended to get offended at the comments and was dismissed as we all laughed, because according to the general consensus, I am not one of those they were making fun of. Nothing really all that new, I have always felt more at home when living outside my home country, it's just funny to have someone else point it out to me. And 'home' in the sense of what grounds me, defines me, and is the place I find my retreat, will always be where my family is. But outside that, the only time I feel like an American is when sports is involved. It's pretty funny that something as superficial as watching a bunch of sweaty men fight over a ball can make me miss the US, and I can't think of anything else that does!
The second comment happened today:
me: Wow, look how much Starbucks share price dropped in 2007 (send link to article in Economist)
my co-worker: so you are interested in economics, too? What AREN'T you interested in?
me (laughing sadly): that's my problem...I'm interested in everything! If I could just pick a few things, my life would make so much more sense.
And with that, I'll head in to my weekend, which will hopefully be full of many of the things I find interesting. :)
Thursday, December 20, 2007
INTP
When I was 16, I was having a major crisis. Like many teenagers, I had no friggin' clue what I wanted to do with my life. What should I pick for a major in college, where should I go to college, what did I want as a 'career.' It was all a huge question mark. So one of the things my mom was advised to do was have me take the Myers-Briggs personality test. One fun Saturday, I headed out to a testing center, and it was thus determined I was an INTP:
"Seek to develop logical explanations for everything that interests them. Theoretical and abstract, interested more in ideas than in social interaction. Quiet, contained, flexible, and adaptable. Have unusual ability to focus in depth to solve problems in their area of interest. Skeptical, sometimes critical, always analytical."
From this, we determined that my current front-runner in career choices, engineering, was a good fit, and I should go for it. So I did. Except this pesky love of piano playing kept tugging at my heart, and I couldn't really settle myself with engineering unless I could find a way to fit music in there too, and then the double major idea was born, and then the auditions to go along with that, and then the eventual abandonment of the engineering altogether.
Weird how it all panned out. Now I think I may have moved toward somewhat of a hybrid with an ENTP:
"Quick, ingenious, stimulating, alert, and outspoken. Resourceful in solving new and challenging problems. Adept at generating conceptual possibilities and then analyzing them strategically. Good at reading other people. Bored by routine, will seldom do the same thing the same way, apt to turn to one new interest after another."
...and 12 years later, I'm still no closer to knowing what I want to do with my life.
I thought about taking the test again for kicks, but why? So I know more about myself, and still nothing about where myself should be? What I actually needs is the guts to go try something that I could fail. Something I actually, really, truly want.
"Seek to develop logical explanations for everything that interests them. Theoretical and abstract, interested more in ideas than in social interaction. Quiet, contained, flexible, and adaptable. Have unusual ability to focus in depth to solve problems in their area of interest. Skeptical, sometimes critical, always analytical."
From this, we determined that my current front-runner in career choices, engineering, was a good fit, and I should go for it. So I did. Except this pesky love of piano playing kept tugging at my heart, and I couldn't really settle myself with engineering unless I could find a way to fit music in there too, and then the double major idea was born, and then the auditions to go along with that, and then the eventual abandonment of the engineering altogether.
Weird how it all panned out. Now I think I may have moved toward somewhat of a hybrid with an ENTP:
"Quick, ingenious, stimulating, alert, and outspoken. Resourceful in solving new and challenging problems. Adept at generating conceptual possibilities and then analyzing them strategically. Good at reading other people. Bored by routine, will seldom do the same thing the same way, apt to turn to one new interest after another."
...and 12 years later, I'm still no closer to knowing what I want to do with my life.
I thought about taking the test again for kicks, but why? So I know more about myself, and still nothing about where myself should be? What I actually needs is the guts to go try something that I could fail. Something I actually, really, truly want.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
The piano and me
I went out with a friend from work tonight, to an awesomely English pub (wooden beams, cozy Christmas decor, cottage-y feel to it) and had a great time venting about various life decisions, situations, politics, work, etc. It was fun! And best of all, we reached the realization that my current stress is all the piano's fault. See, I want to rent a piano. But if I do, it means I'm staying in this current living situation for a while, and I'm not sure that is good for my sanity. I hate my commute, and there is someone home more and more of the time, which doesn't do well for my need-my-space side. So let's say I go ahead and get one anyway. The piano will be in the foyer, next to the living room, where the TV is. So anytime someone else is home chilling, I won't want to or be able to play the piano, because it will either disturb the TV-watching, or just bug me that I have an audience. This in turn will only cause me to further resent my flatmates for just being there, something entirely irrational and not great for good relationships or an all-around warm-fuzzy house. The logical solution for this is to move out to my own place and live by myself. But then I have to find somewhere on a ground floor with enough space for a piano. Oh, and I have to be able to afford it. Chances of finding such place in London = .001% So then I decide to work really hard at finding a way to afford this place, and I'm right back to figuring out what I'm going to do in life next year and where Lulu fits into that story.
Sigh. Why can't I play the oboe?
Sigh. Why can't I play the oboe?
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Piano
I finally got news today that I can see the piano I've been waiting to see for weeks! This is such good news, because every time I go to play the 'thing' that masquerades as a keyboard in my room I am so frustrated and disappointed I get put off after 15minutes. I know, music brings out my diva side :) Anyway, if I don't like it when I actually get to play and see this instrument, I will have to laugh at myself. But I've got the name of the place where I'll rent from if this falls through, so either way, by the time I go home for Thanksgiving, I will have music!
I got really down and out about life and work on the way home today - came home at lunch ill again - and starting thinking that maybe I should find a place where I can at least work as a part time accompanist or volunteer or something. Did I little searching, found nothing. It would be manic to work at Lulu and have a part-time gig, even if it was just for fun and no pay, so I guess it's good there was no shining opportunity to strike me in a moment of weakness.
I got really down and out about life and work on the way home today - came home at lunch ill again - and starting thinking that maybe I should find a place where I can at least work as a part time accompanist or volunteer or something. Did I little searching, found nothing. It would be manic to work at Lulu and have a part-time gig, even if it was just for fun and no pay, so I guess it's good there was no shining opportunity to strike me in a moment of weakness.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
work-a-holic-ness
I know I keep making up words, but this one I totally think should be one. How is it so ingrained in my being to work all the time that I take a sick day, yet spend it online with my work emails, still call in my conference call meeting for an hour, and spend the rest of the time thinking about work? I never wanted this part of my life. The whole office-computer-politics-career-9to5 (or 7 or 8) part. Usually, I can ignore it, just enjoy everything that starts after I leave the office, but whenever I stop and think "why do I do what I'm doing?" I can never really come up with a good answer. It's challenging, it's something different, it's a great company, it's the reason I live in a cool city like London...but none of these are substantial enough to merit looking at myself in the mirror and seeing an aging, fattening, stressing version of myself.
Do I have the guts to change though? Or more practically, the means to make a change? Or more truly, do I have a compelling enough end to justify the means it would take to make a change?
Do I have the guts to change though? Or more practically, the means to make a change? Or more truly, do I have a compelling enough end to justify the means it would take to make a change?
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