Atheism - a first world solution?

I was more than a little curious how Africa would affect me this trip, coming back after so many years out of the church and in the non-religious environment that is London. Africa, which brought me back to Christianity every time I tried to leave it; Africa that shows all the best and worst of religion at its most raw; Africa where humanity began and yet ends so early, so painfully for so many.

Sitting in the nurses station where my friend works, I could overhear the fervent praying - shouting - pleading with god to bring down the "fire" and heal a sick person. One sick person among so many strewn across a crowded room. One of the patients in H2U, which in London means higher percentage of nurses, closer monitoring, strict visitation, all of the things you associate with intensive care...and here means a subset of the main room, separated by a sheet, with as much more attention as they can give, which is often not much. What kind of god that can help, ignores that desperate belief? What kind of god is worth knowing if they can't help?

Yet on the other side of the picture, how do you look someone in the eyes and tell them that after they struggle through this life, after they watch their loved ones die young, after they suffer themselves, that that was it? There is nothing to look forward to, no heaven where they will meet their family again, no healthy body waiting to replace the broken one, no reward for all the hard work and belief? It's easy to sit in a comfy flat in London, enjoying my comfy life and think, if this is it, at least I'm happy and living a good life. But most of the world is not so lucky. It doesn't really change what I believe, but certainly makes me more accepting of religion's place in the world. 

**it took me a while to decide to post this, wrote it while there and just now, two weeks later, putting it up!

Madonna and child(ren)

Today I went to the infant home near here at 7:15 to help feed the babies. I'm not sure how much help I was - first off, I am not a baby person, and second, I don't speak the local language. But most people speak English, even if they kids don't really yet, so it was fine.  And turns out, shoving a spoon of porridge at a baby's mouth isn't that tricky, because they don't care if it gets all over their face, and I had an all-covering apron over my clothes so I didn't really care if it got all over me, so we were good. The bottle feeding was pretty easy too. And I picked up a couple of ridiculously tiny, malnourished babies and moved them from feeding area to changing area without any heads falling off, so that overcame my fear a little bit, which was good. One of the little girls about broke my heart though. Such a sweet smile and so little substance to her!

It's really cool what they do here - bring in children who are either abandoned or their families can't afford to raise them because the mother died, and formula is just too much for many families. Then when the children are 2 years old, they try to integrate them back into their family and community, and have a really high success rate. At that age they can eat most things that the rest of the family eats so it's not such a burden to look after them. Plus they can go to nursery school, and the charity has been building these and also continues to support the poorest families financially with raising the kids. Sometimes it doesn't work and the money doesn't get to the child or the family is clearly not looking after the child when they re-visit, so they come back to the home. Then often they try again later, or sometimes the child ends up in foster care - a 'mother' has a house with her own kids and 4-6 more children so they have more of a family environment. Later in the week I'm hopefully going to teach a little boy with mild cerebral palsy some piano/music lessons, he's in one of the foster homes.

What was interesting to learn is that it's this charity, or one just like it (she definitely visited this home), that Madonna adopted her first Malawian child from - hence all the controversy. Like most of these kids, it was just supposed to be temporary that he was in the home until he could go back to his family and community, but in swooped Madonna and now he's being raised the child of a major celebrity. I think all parties have come around to the situation, but it's interesting to understand the complexity of it a bit more. Especially crazy that she did the same thing three years later. And what I really don't get, is why she needed one that had a family. There are many that are straight up abandoned so don't have a family to go back to at all, especially the ones with HIV/AIDS. But I don't think I'll get anywhere trying to understand the mind of one of the most famous pop singers in the wold. :)

Malawi

I haven't blogged or journalled in way too long. So when I found myself wanted to blab all over facebook or email or text message everything I'm feeling, I knew it was time I did at least one of the two. I don't have a notebook or journal of any kind available, but there is a computer here, so blog it is!

Just getting down the factual occurrences of the past few days:

Friday lunch with Palesa and Kundayi, a nice reminder of how well we all get along and what cool people they are.

After scrambling to finish up the rest of my work day from home, at 5pm I started off to Heathrow! Flight to Addis Ababa was really smooth and I had taken care to hydrate myself well so I didn't have any of the ear pressure or vertigo problems I had occasionally been getting since surgery/radiotherapy. Addis Ababa airport was an immediate YOU'RE IN AFRICA moment - so totally different to anything in Europe/USA. Shops, colours, people, signs, all a very foreign experience for the senses. No wifi, no chain restuarants, and the duty free shops were more like street markets than retail outlets.

After about an hour it was time to join the long, crowded queue to get into the gate area where my flight would depart from - then once in that area, about half an hour later, another queue to get on a bus to board the plane. The flight goes from Addis Ababa, stops in Lilongwe to drop people off/pick people up, then goes to Blantyre and does the same, then goes back to Addis Ababa. I disembarked at Blantyre, which is a tiny airport! - and waiting with the taxi drivers for Kate to come pick me up. It was warm and dusty and sunny and I could see the palm trees and the vegetation that is so unique to this part of the world, it was amazing. All the feelings I find so hard to put into words for why I love this place so much came flooding back, I was just grinning. Kate picks me up, we drive back to her place, I have a shower and put on a sundress and suddenly I'm sat on the veranda looking out over the lush back yard with the weaving vines, sipping a cup of tea, loving life.

 

We ate dinner at home that night and packed for the trip leaving early Sunday morning - Mulanje mountain! Left at 7am, arrived just before 10, hired a guide and porters to carry our stuff, and off we set up the mountain. I did not know quite what I was in for, but it was so amazing. 4 hour hike to the hut where we were staying, a small cabin with one room for sleeping and one room for eating/fire. Nipped down to the natural pool of water for a swim, then settled in to have some wine, listen to music, make dinner on the fire, and go to bed early - so knackered from the journey and had another early morning on the cards!

that tiny shiny roof was our hut where we spent the night 

Up at 5:30am, left just after six to head up the peak - that was a grueling trip straight up mostly rocks, it was difficult but so worth the amazing view from the top! I couldn't believe I'd really done it - it was such a quiet but beautiful moment, realising just how lucky I was - lucky to be alive, lucky to be able to work and afford this trip, lucky to have such an amazing person as a friend who lives here and lets me come stay and organises such an excursion, lucky to appreciate this moment to its fullest.

Then it was time to head back down - possibly scarier than heading up, but I found myself handling the descent better than expected, and was leading the pack most of the way. Something about being on the brink of tumbling down a mountain heightened the senses and brought out the best of my coordination! I kinda loved it. Everyone hates going downhill, so I guess it makes me the oddball, but that's okay, I'm used to it :)

We got back to the hut and dashed straight into the pool again - this time didn't even bother changing, dived in with my sports bra and pants on, then just let them dry out in the hot sun on the way down. One of the group had stayed behind and made breakfast - French Toast with bacon - such a luxury! I was so hungry after hiking nearly 4 hours on just a cup of coffee and a couple biscuits (oh and of course the Haribo sweets we had with us, and the apples the guide brought for us that were picked fresh from a tree on the mountain). After a quick turnaround to close up and lock the hut, we headed back down the mountain. It was slippery, being the end of the wet season, which made it tricky, but we were moving through it pretty well. Got back to the cars about 3:30pm, and omg did it feel good to take my shoes and socks off!! Drove off the tea plantation and got pizza in the town, wolfed mine down in record time.

Finally home about 7, took a shower, Kate got back a bit later because she had to go into the hospital to take care of a couple things. We all crashed for bed pretty early! Was such an amazing start to this trip.

forced to blog

Yeah, forced sounds a little strong. But I am supposed to blog for my class, which causes a dilemna: I wanted to start blogging personally again because this is an exciting time in life, and I seem to be unable to write in my journal anymore. Somehow holding a pen and trying to write legibly has become an insurmountable and un-enjoyable task. But I have to write for class, so that will probably take up most of my free time to type away aimlessly on the computer. But, at least for now, I'm going to attempt both. If you want to read about marketing and my study thereof, here's the link: Marketling. I might move this one over to wordpress, since I have 4 blogs started there anyway (nope, not doing anything with three of them, but I might!! someday!) but we'll see how long I keep up with it first.

First: I'M IN LONDON! WOOHOO! Looking back, there are so many ways I could have avoided the last minute stress of having to buy a ticket the same day I got the visa and arrive the first day of classes. But you live and learn. Or just live and have lots of last minute panics because you never learn. Hopefully I stop being one of the latter before I'm too old to enjoy the wisdom of my ways.

Life is great so far. I have a fantastic flat. I wish I was able to live on my own, but having a nice garden, two couches, huge TV with stereo system, a room with lots of storage, and two pretty cool flatmates is a compromise I'm more than willing to make. Especially when I just don't have the budget to do much on my own at all.

Bit of a sad note when I arrived, as I found two of my friends are leaving, one just moved back to Canada, the other goes to NYC in July. It's part of life in a transient city like London, and the price of having lots of cool international friends - they move around like you do. But hopefully that's the last departure for a little while, and I am meeting new people at school as well. Next I need to get a part-time job, but I'm not in a rush as I can work at the piano shop for now.

I'm having an internal debate about how much sharing is appropriate with a relationship, whether to leave it out altogether, use an epithet for my sig other, or what. But for now, I'm back in one. A relationship, that is. And I'm happy, so far so good. And now I must get back to the studying!

Help! I've fallen into introvert-world and I can't get out

So, I did too good a job of swinging back over to lonerville. It's a happy place for me, lots of warm fuzzy moments with my guitar, my laptop, the park...actually, this is interesting. It's been really nice lately, London showing off how gorgeous it is in the sun. And I am turning inwards again, although I'm generally happy, unlike last summer. It's almost like there is some correlation between my desire for socialising and the presence of the sun. If there is sun, I don't need people. Weird.

For example, yesterday I had a bbq with some old friends from Lulu, and it was a great time to get out and visit with people I really like and miss working with. But I was ready to go as soon as things started slowing down, not because I wasn't having a good time or had anything else to do, I just wanted to get back and chill out on my own. Then today I stayed a little late at work after a bit of a stressful day, played the piano, started walking home leisurely, stopped for coffee, started writing a song and typing the words on my iphone, meandered through Hyde Park, got home and tuned my guitar to put said song to chords, fixed some dinner, and now I'm in a fantastic mood. It will be interesting to see how things go, now that the people I spend the most time with are back in town as of this week. Will I add back in a moderate amount, return to the full-on schedule from a few weeks ago, or stay here in my hermit phase until dragged out of it forcefully?

being productive

I don't know how normal I am on this one, because I suspect my instincts here are partially a result of being homeschooled. But I can't go very long in life in a status of 'unproductivity' (not sure that's a word, but I'll use it anyway to make my point). In other words, if I don't feel like I'm accomplishing something or doing well or helping someone or learning something, I feel lost.

But this need to 'do stuff' also has another side to it. Lately I've been looking back at my days at Lulu, and wondering just how successful I really was. How much did I actually get done, and how much did I just stay until 7 or 8 at night 'doing stuff'?

My two biggest weaknesses in work/study life are these:

1) I can't work completely independently. Working from home would have been disastrous. My only real times of finishing things are when they have strict deadlines. I have trouble saying 'I'm going to work on project X for an hour every day' and following through - project X will only ever get done if someone else needs it done by Date Y, and usually at midnight the day before. This is a huge problem at my current job, where I have little to no accountability to anyone. It's basically procrastinating, but more an inability to create structure in a void. If I have meetings, due dates, etc, I can plan around them and do quite well. Without an existing structure, I have nothing to fit the miscellaneous tasks in between, and they just don't get done.

2) I am a 95% perfectionist. In other words, I will get something done 95% perfect, and stew inside that it's not 100%, but not make the effort to get it there. This is also a strength in a way, because it's what allows me to live life and enjoy other things, since I get to 95% relatively easily in most things, and the hardest bit is the last bit (for me at least). Which in turn is what makes this a nasty lazy trait = I'm not willing to do the hardest bit.

To circle back to Lulu, I do think I managed to be genuinely productive at times because I had the structure - but still spent a lot of time wandering off course. I over-multi-task, working on 10 things at once and not actually doing any of them well.

My reason in pondering all this is my current situation. I have to find a way to make a structured schedule and stick to it, to make myself complete projects. I've given myself six months to make something happen - and all my ideas require the diligent execution of projects with no given structure or accountability.

I'm hoping the ingrained need to be productive will kick in, becuase otherwise it's going to be a tricky new phase in life come October!

I am 30

Yes, it has happened. And I am okay. :) I chose to celebrate the last night of my 20's last night, being 29 on the 29th of April, and got a bunch of girlfriends to go out for dinner, it was good times. I crossed over into my thirties with a bottle of champagne and two friends out on the terrace, it was perfect. My instructions were to make a wish and then tell my highlight from the 20's - and it was such a perfect thing to do, because it was so hard to pick an event or memory! There have been so many amazing ones, all but the year I was engaged were chock full of crazy, momentous, enlightening experiences. (Even the engagement was its own crazy time, but not so much on the happy side).

Here's what I would say my highlights are :)

• Tassie road trip at the end of my semester there
• Driving to the beach in the middle of the night with Ryoko after graduation
• My mom's wedding
• Xai-Xai, Mozambique - the people, the beach, the hair-plaiting
• Traveling with my brother through South Africa and Germany
• Buying a house
• Moving to London
• Last night - seriously, it was so cool to realize what a fantastic set of friends I have been lucky enough to 'collect' in this city. It's the first time since college, and actually maybe ever, that I have had so many friends I treasure.
  

I could probably think of more or be more eloquent, but my celebrations last night have taken their toll on my 30 year old body, and I must get some sleep now!

Random at its best

Today was awesome. I have had a fantastic weekend actually - and a good portion of what has made it so good is that I have been on my own. My introverted nature has been overshadowed by social activity more than usual lately, and I desperately needed some time for me. Don't get me wrong, I've had a fabulous life lately, dinners out, bbq's, nights out on the town, dating a guy I'm actually really into...it's been good times. But I had neglected the side of me who gets disproportionately excited about running to the store to buy popcorn kernels to cook them the old-fashioned way and curling up to watch a movie on my couch. The side that loves putting on last.fm music and cleaning my room and leafing through memories found in photos and cards.

And perhaps most importantly, I'd forgotten my crazy spontaneous side. So last night I had the gloriously random idea to go SOMEWHERE in the UK today. Couldn't think of where, so I decided to pull up a map of London, zoom out to where I could go for a day trip, close my eyes, spin around, and point! My result: Bedford. Never heard of it, know nothing about it, but it was an hour train away, so I looked at the town map online and saw it looked interesting enough. And it was perfect!

I got up around 9:00, showered and headed to St. Pancras, took the train through the countryside and read my book on the way (The Year of Living Biblically - more on that later maybe). Arrived around 11, and set off to find the river, since it looked like a nice spot. There was a church called Bunyan free church, with pretty courtyard, and then the grounds where Bedford castle stood before the siege in the 13th century or something like that. It was cool because there was this circle of stones on the top of a hill telling the story, so I sat there and wrote in my notebook for a while, read a little, and then went down to the river below.

It was so pretty! I mean yes, it's just another riverfront town, but it was exactly what I needed! There were parks with people playing rugby and football/soccer, beautiful flowers and tree-lined sidewalks, and my favorite part was this sign at a restaurant advertising their Sunday Roast - EAT MEAT. The timing was hilarious - I was trying to decide whether to fast all day or just start my diet for the next two weeks, and whether I should have meat or just cut out bread and dairy as planned...and I see the sign from across the pond. So of course, I go eat meat :).

The meal was yummy, and in such a picturesque setting. I sat in the sun surrounded by couples and families, and was totally content. I actually like eating out by myself, but sometimes it takes a little while to get over the awkwardness of being a single diner - mainly from the the feeling people are watching you curiously. This time I didn't have any qualms at all, as I was in travel mode, which is when I'm most comfortable alone anyway. I even stuck around to enjoy dessert and tea!

From there I wandered back to the station and headed home, crashing for a nap - all the sun wore out my pale UK resident complexion ;). When my flatmate got home and I told her my random selection method for things to do on a Sunday, she laughed and said that was crazy...which I guess it is. She was more hung up on the fact that I did it by myself too, which I can understand. It's not that normal to enjoy traveling alone as much as I do. But I do. And that's one of the things I hold onto and think to myself when other people look at me like I've got two heads when I say I don't want to get married. I do such a good job in my social butterfly imitation mode these days that I sometimes feel I even have myself fooled...it just takes a weekend alone to bring me back to my most comfortable version of reality.

The luck factor

Luck gets such a bad rap sometimes. (Just watched Matchpoint again so it's on my mind a little bit). If you're religious (esp Christian) the word is almost taboo -good things happen because God is blessing you, or answering your prayers. In the Western/capitalist world in general, the over-riding philosophy is good things happen when you work for them - the American dream can be yours if you pull up your bootstraps and work hard. But seriously, there are so many little events in life I have a hard time writing off through faith, hard work, or logic. And while I do think a lot of the really awesome things that have happened to me in the last four months are a result of my previous hard work, my attitude and openness to life, and that happiness breeds more happiness just like sadness feed itself - I personally can't avoid the huge amount of sheer luck that has come into play.

In August, I was ready to quit Lulu and move home. Through a random im conversation, I discovered there was a job in India within the company I could possibly go for, so I said I would go and a move to India date was set. Being future 'cheap labour' probably saved me from the massive layoffs Lulu had in October. When I changed my mind, I started looking for a job, against all the odds. An acquaintance said 'try gumtree', which is not really the most normal or legit place for jobs so I'd never tried it before. I type in 'pianos' and up comes the piano shop. Interview = I'm hired. Minor detail of work permit, so I can't quit/start right away. No problem, we decided I would be part-time on the weekends for now, and I was going to have to work from home for Lulu anyway, so I could work for Lulu from the shop until we find a way to have me work here legally. How in the WORLD did I find the one piano shop owner in London who so hates searching for employees after he finds someone he likes that he stuck with me for 3 months before I was officially full-time!? Meanwhile Lulu found a perfect job for me there as well, and came around on everything that had made me miserable before. It was almost enough for me to stay; instead it just made for a really nice way to end my time there and I left on good terms with a long notice period.

Then all the little things that go around these big things just keep going my way - it's like every time I flip a coin, it lands the side I called. I know that this streak will probably end at some point, and there have been some things that have definitely not ended up how I would have liked, but there are so many more positives than negatives that they are what I end up focusing on, and thus more good things come. The flip side to that argument is that I'm so happy and relieved with my new life that I'm only looking for the good things, so that's why I see more of them - but in the end, who cares whether the chicken or egg came first - I'm having a great time :)

Bye-bye, 9-5...Hello, Pianos

Wow, so my first and only 'real job' is finished - what a crazy ride it's been, too! I spent Thursday (my last day) sorting through emails, forwarding on contacts, making notes on everything I've done the last 2 years and 9 months...and then crying at my laptop while doing all those things. I thought I'd done all the mourning already, but apparently had some more to get out. :) Why do I get so attached to things like this?

Anyway, after all the tears, I slept like a baby Thursday night, and woke up with a huge smile on my face! I'm more sober about the future than the insane giddiness I had when I first decided to do this, but in a good way. I know it's not going to be easy to sell pianos in this economic climate, and I know that my other fun side projects may turn into nothing (or worse), but I would rather put myself out there doing something I love and fail miserably, than keep 'succeeding' at something that just drains me.

I was talking to this guy I met last night at a friend's party about how cool my old job was and how much I had loved it, but that I just burned out. Which is true - it used to do exactly what the shop does - I would leave in a better mood than I came in after a day at work there. That stopped about 18 months ago, but I couldn't leave the job without leaving London, so I stayed. Anyway, we were talking about average time spent at a job, and I said mine was six months, before Lulu. Which is crazy to remember back to the days when I floated from city to city, different jobs, different combinations of different jobs, always finding new ways to make money, do music, travel, and have a decent life. Lulu was such a departure, albeit a necessary and beneficial one, from the type of existence that suits my personality and interests. And now I'm slowly coming back to the freedom and variety I crave...and I think that's what is at the root of my happiness and peace about what is an incredibly risky move by most anyone's standards. Maybe I can't be quite as carefree at 29 as I was at 25, but I'm still young and healthy enough that I don't have to be stuck in a job just to have benefits.

And now, I'm going to go play the pianos for while :)

How to write when you're happy?

It's often said that creativity comes with depression or intense melodrama - and I have to say I write more music and more frequently make entries in my journal when I'm sad. But wow. Life is Just So Amazing right now. President Obama just swore the Oath of Office. I am overwhelmed with love and pride for my country! The whole thing is just amazing. I mean AMAZING. Such a sobering speech too, not flippantly optimistic, but an appropriate call to action and hope. (I also loved the amazing piano/clarinet/violin/cello piece too, so beautiful!)

In general, things are just falling into place for me, so much so that I'm scared by it. Wondering if I'm going to wake up one day and it was all a dream, or wake up one day and it is all reversed or worse! But I'm not letting myself think like that, I'm just enjoying the fact that I have an amazing part-time job which lets me spend my days surrounded by pianos and music, I have a great place to live, I'm filled with ideas and hopes for things to do this year, I have a great network of friends in London, multiple ways to talk to and see my family, I'm healthy, my family is healthy...I have so much to be grateful for in this gloomy world setting.

I also haven't written lately because I've been trying to decide what to do about my job, and airing all that on my blog has the (very slim) chance of getting back to my current employer, so I decided to just keep quiet. I'll write more about all that when it's truly official later this week.

Go USA! Let's get things working right again! :)

It's me - blogging, for real!

So it's 2009. I have been having this inner debate about whether to keep blogging, I'm so out of the habit, and London is now my life, not just an amazing experience for a few months. But there's still interesting things to write about for sure...it's just that more and more they are too personal, or worse, politically charged with my employment to air in the very public view of the blog. Plus, I kinda want to have some purpose or logic to my posts, but I don't know if that will ever happen!

I was reading over my New Year's blog from '08 and laughing sadly to myself at how perfectly I ignored the profundity of my statement that I was going to have to make things happen if I wanted to have as awesome a 2008 as I did 2007. There's nothing worse than not listening to yourself and finding our you were right. I do it all the time though. Took me until November to take my own advice!! But hey, at least I finally did, and 2009 has the potential to be freakin' awesome because of it.

I'm coming off one of the best Christmas breaks I've ever had - I learned from last year and didn't go home for Thanksgiving (hard to miss being with my family that day, but I had thoroughly enjoyed spending the day cooking for 10 of my friends!) so that I was rested and really looking forward to being home for Christmas AND I stayed for over two weeks. It was perfect.

Looking forward to resting this weekend, and catching up with friends, it's been so long since I've seen everyone!

Roots. or, The Approach of 30

I haven't been writing, mainly because there has been SO MUCH up in the air and back and forth, and most of my thoughts have been about things I couldn't really put out there for the world to see, but I think (and really really hope) that this version of what happens in the next six months is true.

Some history: there for a while, I was going to be moving to India in February or March with my job, which would have been an AMAZING experience I'm sure, but the timing was wrong, and the more I learned about the kind of work I'd be doing, the less I felt suited for it. Five years ago, or even two, I would have gone for it anyway. But at 29, the idea of re-learning a whole new skill set, starting totally over, re-creating a life yet again...no longer filled me with absolute excitement like it would have at 25 or 27. I'm doing well with what I'm doing in my career at the moment, and in my mind I either want to build on that more or drop it all and go after something I really care about, like music, or non-profit work in Africa. This move would have been neither. I'm sure I will end up on some other exciting adventure, but I've never had a problem finding those - and I tend to know when they are right, and when they just aren't. Things go a lot better for me when I listen to myself, and the amount of hesitation I had about this really cool opportunity was a huge red flag.

So then I spent several days worried that if I turned down the opportunity, after expressing interest and starting work on it for a few weeks, they might wish to part ways with me and I'd be frantically looking for a new job or packing up to move back to NC. But (fingers crossed!) it looks like there's a great position still available in London, so provided that all goes as planned, I'll be here indefinitely, which is just amazing. This really has become my home - I'm building up my life, my friends, my neighborhood...and it's so freeing not to have an expiration date on it. Even better, it's nice not to NEED an expiration date.

The best part of the whole story is that I found a piano shop that needed help, while looking for jobs 'just in case.' I can help out there on the weekends, and on days I don't want to work from home I can go there and work from the office and be surrounded by pianos all day :) It's great!

I've been here a full 18months now - crazy how time flies!

commercialism live and well

So apparently Harrods (massive and massively expensive dept store in london) has already pre-booked all available time slots for kids to sit on Santa's knee. Besides the fact that this means there are 70,000 parents who actually plan out their child's knee-wishing appointment, it's only November 2nd!!! Although with no Thanksgiving, there is really nothing to slow down the ever earlier arrival of the Christmas season. Their parade was yesterday, and I missed it, mainly because I as I said before, IT'S ONLY NOVEMBER 2ND!! I love how it's called Christmas here - you never say Happy Holidays or holiday shopping or any of that. The day is Christmas, it has even less to do with the Christian tradition than in the US, but they don't mind calling it that. I think that may be why they don't mind it, there is no debate about the real meaning or attempt to put Jesus back in Christmas - it's way too far gone for that now! Plus, 'holiday' is most commonly used as the word for vacation, so it wouldn't really make sense. I have trouble getting over my American PC training though, I keep stumbling as I ask people what they are doing for "the hol...um...over brea...um...Chri...Christmas?"

Anyway, it will be interesting to see what this year is like. I kinda liked shopping in the hub of activity last year, with the decorations and elaborate lighting on the stores, and Oxford Street just looks cool. But with the economy being a big, fat, gloomy cloud, I'm guessing there will be sales sooner, and a little less cheer from the retailers.

My voice

I lost my voice today, in the literal sense (icky flu/cold) and found it, figuratively, online in debates about politics on facebook. In general, I don't really know what I think until I can articulate it well in a discussion. Which is why I so rarely offer my opinion in real life debates, because until I can express myself clearly and know both the facts and feelings, I tend to remain very much in the middle. I think and mull and ponder and inwardly question, try on different sides of an argument, and then if I do end up on one side, I'm very passionate about what I believe or think. Historically, there's always been a really small percentage of things that end up in that category, although I think as I get older I'm a little more willing to risk speaking out before I get to the 100% sure stage. And of course I'm talking about things that hit close to home. I love sparking up a discussion about whether coincidences are meaningful, or criticizing/praising the musical talent on the X Factor (which, by the way, I think is so much more interesting than American Idol!). But on things that do matter to me, it takes a while for me to get to the point where I will confront someone, or argue a point, and I got there this week (and especially today) with the election. I even surprised myself to find I was actually enjoying the confrontation.

I went to see Quantom Solace today - yay Bond! It was fun to go with my flatmate, and I absolutely love walking to the movies, there's a great theater just around the corner. Did not love paying £9.60 for a ticket...but this has been a weekend of excess. I went with my flatmates to a really nice pub for dinner last night, taking taxi there and back (it's really cold and I'm sick, alright?) and forgetting the reason I can afford to live in my amazing flat is precisely because I do not spend money like that. :)

The place was very much a meat market, or whatever the London equivalent is. I find the raw singles scene so fascinating, we were in a popular spot in Notting Hill, so the girls were polished and well dressed, and the men basically the same. The looks by the women sussing up the competition are followed by the men evaluating the options, it's all so sophisticated and creepy. The adult crowd is much more separate from the university crowd, which makes a huge difference from the icky feeling places I remember in Raleigh. We were only stuck passively ignoring the two oddly tall and skinny men chatting us up for the one drink, then we had our booking at 9:30 and retreated upstairs to enjoy the yummy food.

I found this site on techcrunch called "memiary.com" which lets you say 5 things you did that day and tracks it for you. Which is so cool, because that's a small part of why I journal, to take notice of what I'm doing every day...so this way I can just journal my thoughts, not mindlessly record events. Also, I can look back over events and start taking stock of just how pointless some things are, or repetitive, or destructive, or good...who knows!

Happy Birthday Dad!

If my father were alive today, he'd be 65. Crazy! I sometimes wonder what he would look like, now with graying (or totally gray) hair, more wrinkles, maybe thinning or maybe with a little more weight on him. I wonder if we'd see this election the same, or if he would still be pretty conservative. I wonder what it would be like to tell him about playing golf over here and going to the football game, or ask his advice for what I do next in my career. I wonder what it would be like to talk to him about how I'm now the age he was when he and mom got married, or get his opinion on guys that I date. I wonder if we would even talk about that kind of thing! I wonder if he would be spending all his time playing golf now that he's retired, or still drawing out the sketches for the 'dream home' on his engineering paper. After over 17 years, I don't think that saying I still miss him occasionally is the right expression - I've lived several more years without him in my life than I did with him, and it doesn't usually happen that you miss something so far removed from your present life - but I have a bittersweet connection to the idea of him, the memory of him, that comes up on days like today...and I'm letting myself indulge in it and savor the chance to fill my head and heart with imaginations of my daddy.

um, sleet? snow?

Well, this is what I get for saying to my mom and some friends how London is just chilly and dreary longer than NC, not necessarily REALLY cold, except for the heart of January/February. Wrong! It was snowing in north London in last night, and sleeting when I was walking home from the tube last night after work! It's October, what's going on? My roof terrace was iced over this morning, if that keeps up we'll be able to have slip n' slide across the roof parties in December.

And as a consequence of this frigid temperature drop, and probably also due to the long hours outside in the cold on Sunday, I feel like doodoo today. So I'm home sick from work, although still worked pretty much all morning, was a good time to clear through the backlog of my emails.

It's nice though, I'm getting to listing to last.fm instead of the crappy pop radio we have on at work, and find some new bands. I've started using all the social ways you can listen to friends' stations, partly because it's fun, and partly in my ever-increasing attempt to be a web 2.0 geek to be better at my job :)

I haven't posted much about politics on this blog, and I'll probably keep it that way after this until the election is over. But I will say that it is really freaking me out how crazy people are. When I see video clips of people who honestly believe that Obama is a Muslim, and thus a terrorist, it's scary to think that the battle has only just begun if he wins. People are so passionately divided, and I don't really see either side having any intention of fixing that. Obama's platform at least says he wants to, and I hope that if he wins that wasn't just lip service, but if the Republicans only want to have it their way and don't do anything to help bridge the divide, it won't matter.

Football, football, rah rah rah!

That's what my dad used to say all the time when it was Saturday and time for college ball games to start - after fixing the popcorn in our old-fashioned popcorn maker, where you melted the butter on the top while the kernels exploaded below, pelting them into the bowl and drizzling the butter all over it. Oh I love fall - football, pretty leaves, crisp weather...

Anyway, so I was complaining loudly Friday and Saturday about not finding anyone or way to go to the football game that was at Wembley stadium Sunday. Saints and Chargers, second year the NFL has been here. And then I thought, why am I choosing to complain instead of doing something about this? So I shut up, started searching for spare tickets and found a guy looking for a girl to go with him, since his mate couldn't go, and I said, what the hell, I'm doing it! It was slightly like responding to a personal ad, but when it comes to a chance to see a pro football game at a cool venue like Wembley in London, I have no shame. Plus, the guy was Irish, and it's built into my American girl genes to find Irish guys unreasonably attractive. :)

It was SOOO much fun! I had my Steelers jersey on, and probably 70% of the crowd had on some NFL team jersey, it was unlike any sporting event I've ever been to, b/c everyone was a fan of the game, not really the two teams that were playing. The weather even behaved, it had been raining, but stopped an hour or so before the game so it was chilly but clear. The game was great, and the "home" team was the Saints, so most people were routing for them, and it was almost like a home environment, which was fun.

The funniest part for me was the beginning, when the cheerleaders came out and the whole crowd went WILD - probably the biggest reception I've ever heard for the girls. Two reasons - A) being a minor sport over here, there were MAYBE 10,000 out of the 83,000 people there that were female. Actually that's generous, I was the only woman out of the 25 people I could see around me. B) none of the sports here have cheerleaders, it's a phenomenon for them.

Then there were the funny spellings - people with DEFENCE signs, instead of defense. And of course I loved being the local expert on the rules :) Even the game was good, lots of 'offence' and it had an exciting fourth quarter with the Chargers almost coming back from well behind. And my Irish date turned out to be pretty funny and we hit it off well, so it couldn't have been a better day, really.

Nesting

I have always balked at any suggestion of 'settling down' or even admitting I would rather stay in my current location than go somewhere exotic or just plain different - but I officially crossed over the line this week. I put up curtains in my flat, which coordinate with my duvet, and hung the mirror on the wall, bought flowers and placed them in two vases in the room, got the keyboard I ordered all set up, fixed the internet so I can sit here in my room and type before going to sleep...and I'm really freakin' happy with it all. :) Maybe there is something to that theory that people (esp. women) have that urge to 'nest' and create the sense of 'home'...I do pretty well at running from that notion, but it's kinda nice to let my guard down a little. I haven't felt this connected to the place where I'm living and the life I have there since 2001-3, the years after college in Columbia, SC, when I had my first apartment, my piano studio, and worked as the organist at a church. The part about this that scares me is that when I did leave, I knew it wasn't quite the right time, but did it anyway, and it resulted in 2 horrible years...financially, emotionally, and career-wise. So I'm really hoping I can avoid a repeat!

Last night I went out for drinks and then dinner at a Spanish restaurant with some friends - I was feeling so continental! Not just because we ate at 9:30pm, but it was an Italian girl, French girl, and Spanish guy, so I was surrounded. And that is yet another reason I love London. People here ask me all the time why I like living here and if it's for the city, wouldn't I prefer New York or something? My answer to that is that not only am I more likely to have last night's dinner scenario here than in NYC, but it's a heck of a lot easier for me to GO to Italy, France and Spain from London! Along that train of thought, I'm trying to plan a trip to Germany for December to visit a couple friends, and see the Christmas markets :)

Best weekend EVER!? part two

So after a lovely night's rest in Wales, we all got up for a fantastic breakfast, and hit the road to find some waterfalls! Awesome hike, with amazing views - here I am starting out.


This is the first waterfall - ah I love nature :)




And here's the big one we walked behind:


Cool tree.
Castles - stopped to see two of these on our drive through the countryside!

And this is me playing golf in Richmond, and there are the deer! Okay I wasn't hitting the ball next to them or anything, but it was still cool to see them as we exited.